Changes…

Well, what can I say? I vowed never to post a ‘sorry I haven’t updated the blog’ post – ever.

And here I am. Feeling sheepish and yes, guilty as charged.

So – let’s get this out of the way. Sorry I haven’t been around. Really – I am.

Let me explain.

A few weeks ago began probably the strangest, and certainly the most unexpected chain of events, which all combined together to become something totally life-changing. But I didn’t know that at the time.

It started with a very close family member getting sick, and me having to drop everything to travel a few hundred miles to get to the hospital. For a few days, it was touch and go. It could have gone either way. Thankfully, although it’s not all plain sailing, they are now much, much better and the immediate danger has passed.

As soon as I got home, I got sick. Norovirus. Cue 5 days of me not knowing an awful lot, except how terrible I felt and ohgodletitbeoversoon.

And eventually, it was.

In the meantime, the purchase of the house we were buying fell through at the very last minute. The third time in a year that’s happened to us.

Yeah life, here I am – anything else you want to throw my way?

You’ll understand, I hope, that right then, everything seemed pretty damn shitty.

And, ugh. Time to go back to work.

It’s no secret I hate my job.

Then an idea. Just a small, little thought. ‘Don’t be silly, Jo’, the voices in my head told me. ‘It’s insane.’

But the little idea grew and grew and became.

An epiphany.

I slept on it. It didn’t go away. I slept on it again and it had only become less insane and more the only thing to do.

So I quit my job. Ha. I never was one to do things by halves.

Helloooooo freedom.

Let me give you some perspective. I had seen someone I cared about almost die. I wake up every day with a sense of dread to go and spend my day in a business I no longer believe in, doing a job that no longer challenges or inspires me.  I never have enough time for the things I love, because my job is that thing that takes up 90% of my time, which I thought was the right thing to do, because I believed having that big-shot career was the right thing to do. But – right for who? If it was making me so unhappy, how could it be?  It had made me miserable for a long, long time. And I realised if I didn’t make changes – real, radical, scare-the-crap-out-of-myself changes, it would be all too easy to wake up in 10 years time, wondering what the hell had happened to my life. Or get sick from stress and do myself mental or physical damage by neglecting myself because there was never any time for me.

Life’s too short for all that.

I have no clue what I’m going to do next. A few, tiny, germinating ideas, but nothing definite. Life feels pretty damn good right now. No regrets, no fear. Just a huge damn ocean of possibilities.

And I love possibilities.

Let me level with you. Over the next few weeks, I’m not going to be around so much. I have loose ends to tie up, a vacation to take (and probably some ohcrapwhatthehellhaveIdone moments to experience), and then I’ll  be back to the blog early July – refreshed, revived and raring to go. The only plan for the whole of July is that I’m not going to do anything that I don’t want to do (how good is that going to feel?). To give myself the time and the space to figure out my next move.

So. I really am sorry for not being around the last few weeks, but I hope at least now, you understand why. And, come July, I look forward to sharing my big, scary, deliciously exciting adventure with you. And I’ll definitely get back to writing about dating younger men too, lol.

Jo xx

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